windyway94: (sankyu deeeeesu~)
I want this journal to be useful XD And because this is Livejournal, I'll tell you what was happened in 2016 of my life. Tho who's gonna read it anyway nyahahaha

( pardon my English ne ;) )

If 2015 is a depressing year, 2016 is a full-of-happiness year. Not that full tho, but many happy things happened during this year. I divide my story into 4 parts or in each trimester. Here we go!

January-March 2016

I restarted my thesis experiment after a lot of revision. I met and taught these annoying yet sweet students. It was the first time that I taught 7th graders. I didn't know how to handle them and I must learned their science subject. From what I heard from my friend, 7th graders are more cheerful and childish (transition phase from elementary school I guess). I taught them for 6 weeks, such a short time but I'm happy to meet them. After getting my data done, I was too lazy to analyze it XD In March (my bday month yay!) I could make a full-week Soundcloud birthday posts started from March 21th-27th! Tbh I didn't think that I could make it. You know that I'm sooooo lazy to edit my recorded files and upload them XD I laughed a lot in March. Thanks for all of your birthday wishes! I renewed my driving license this year and should be at police station at 05.30 XD

I kinda love that "Big Love and Thank You" phrase since Blast in Hawaii so I used it for those pics XD
Yeah I'm so mini I know it XD

April-June 2016

The hellish phase for my thesis: ANALYSIS AND MAKING EXPLANATION OF MY EXPERIMENT RESULTS. I felt so down and didn't think that I could finish it that semester. And yes, I should took a short course on holiday if I wanted to graduate this year. I was sick of my thesis and I wanted to get it done ASAP. But that laziness and inconfidence stroke me so hard. Thanks God my advisors were soooo understanding and I could finish it one by one. I got so many helping from my family and friends. And whenever the laziness came, I remember Sho's struggle to graduate from Keio. If he can do it, so can I right? Second, I remember my late friend who died before he could graduate. At least I wanna graduate and get my first degree before I die.

July-September 2016

LAST SPURT OF MY THESIS SAGA! And meeting my school friends! It was still Ramadhan month so we had a fast breaking in a restaurant. I missed them so much! Listening to their college stories made me feel motivated to finish my skripsh*t. God loves me so much and He knew my struggle to get it done. FINALLY I PRESENTED MY FULL THESIS TO MY ADVISORS AND EXAMINER WHOA! I've done my best and I'M UNOFFICIALY GRADUATED FROM MY ALMAMATER! August felt so fast. Working on my thesis revisions, chasing after my advisors, examiner, my major chief, and dean. Fyuuuhh so tired. And I made in time to legalize my graduation status GAAAAAHHHH YOKATTAAAA!!!!! Just in 17 days since I presented my thesis you know! That was the craziest moment in my life smh. The last thing to do was dealing with administration task for my graduation ceremony in October. Sho has a new drama SP in January YAAAAYYYY I MISS YOU NII-CHAN AND YOUR ACTING! I'm soooooooo excited to see his acting again. He will be a wheelchair basket athlete. Ugh I guess I'll cry a lot watching this drama.

October-December 2016

I'M OFFICIALY GRADUATEEEEEDDDD AS AN EDUCATIONAL BIOLOGY DEGREE! I never thought that I could make it, graduate this year. Moreover I graduated together with my best friend. Such a double strike. October 9th 2016 will be the historical date beside my birth date. I wore Indonesian national clothes at my graduation ceremony. Thanks a lot to God, my advisors, my examiner, the school that I used for my experiment, my parents, my sister, and my friends. My thesis would never be done without their helps. Once again, thank you so much. "Are You Happy?" was released! Thumbs up for Arashi, I like this album so much! My laptop crashed T.T She got several BSODs at startup time and that was annoying. I brought it to service center to repair but no use. The BSODs still appeared. Then I went to another service center. The technician said that my harddisk is slow to rotate. Then I realized that my laptop is going to be 7 years old in February. She's old and started to slowing down. The good news is I could upgrade my harddisk but yeah, that's pricey T.T Btw I got my first part-time job after graduated as a science private tutor for junior high. As expected, working based on your passion is fun! And I'm excited to teach again next semester. This December I had a big reunion for my elementary school classmates! They didn't change at all (except their height and weight XD) and still hilarious like before. It was tiring to arrange the event but I'm happy that I could meet my friends, ex-teachers, and ex-headmaster. Thanks for your support, guys! This December, like other Decembers, was full of Arashi magazine scans. I flailed at them almost everyday XD My phone memory will be full in no time hahaha. Only two weeks left before 2016 ends. I'll try to finish my pending projects before December ends. Btw my best friend and I planned to have a trip to Bogor, West Java, next year. We're still saving money now. I hope we really can go there next year.

Me (holding bouquet) and my best friend aka my partner in crime *evil laugh*
My head looks huge with that kind of hijab style. She called it "Octopus Head Style" XD


Overall I feel happier and braver this year. More vocal and crueler muahahahahaha. I guess I'm a yandere and have a villain trait in my blood *evil laugh*. I meet and talk with a lot of people this year, I learn a lot from them. Don't forget that I learn to ignore some of them XD I read a lot, esp fanfics huehehehehe. Not only ff you know, but also science, relationship, and parenting articles. And watched A LOT of cat and dog videos. I found out more about myself, too. That I tend to be a demiromantic, demisexual, and a social introvert. Step by step I build the "me". This year I finished my tertiary education. I hope this is not the last but tbh, school is tiring *hey you're a young teacher right? don't say that XD* But seriously, I like learning but not school. The system and people involved in it are sucks. I hope I can be a great teacher for my students and make Science and Biology subject easier to learn and understand. People always said that science is difficult. No! They just haven't found the way to learn it yet. Five years learning Biology gave me A LOT of experience and values about life. I hope 2017 will be a good year for me and you. And I hope I can keep on learning many things :D

P.S.: Just randomly read shoexchange sign-ups and found my favorite authors~ There's something to look forward in February ne fufufufufufu~ First shoexchange (super duper yay!) and can't wait to read ALL of them!
windyway94: (sankyu deeeeesu~)
Kamu akan menemukan hal-hal mencengangkan selama perjalanan mencari jati diri.

Sebelumnya aku minta maaf kalo ada yang tersinggung atau sakit hati sama tulisanku. Atau kamu akan ngeliat aku berbeda dari sebelumnya, gapapa, itu hakmu. Aku nggak bisa ngatur pendapat orang lain, dan kamu juga sama. Orang lain cuma bisa berbicara, tapi siapa yang menentukan kamu bakal sakit hati atau nggak itu adalah dirimu sendiri.



Nggak ngerti harus mulai nge-rant dari mana. Mungkin flashback dari 1-2 tahun terakhir? Berarti itu umur 20 taun ya? Oke. Jadi seperti yang kita tau kalo umur 20-an itu termasuk masa kritis sebagai manusia. Apa lagi kalo bukan masalah karir dan nikah khususnya (aku lebih suka nyebutnya 'settle down' biar maknanya lebih luas)? Saudara di kiri dan kanan mulai mencoba 'peduli' dengan bertanya "Udah punya calon? Udah punya pacar? Lho kok belum punya pacar?" Dan jawaban saya? Silakan cari di postingan saya sebelumnya. Teman-teman kuliah mulai berskripsi ria, sidang, wisuda, dan nikah satu per satu. Mereka yang udah punya calon pasangan keliatan bahagia banget di foto nikahan mereka, atau mereka yang udah siap-siap nikah. Aku seneng lihatnya, jujur. Nikahan dan lahiran adalah momen yang membahagiakan meskipun kamu nggak kenal mempelainya.

Tapi yang single gimana?
Berikut ini adalah kutipan chat from a certain group chat.

A: Cie mbak B tinggal menghitung hari
B: Aduh A jangan bahas manten, nanti banyak yang baper
A: Aku aja udah baper kok B.
B: Jangan baper A, sabar... Semua nanti pasti bakal jadi manten kok
C: Satu per satu teman-teman melepas masa lajangnya. Aku kapan ya? Jadi baper deh
D: Hmmm B bikin kita baper
B: Latihan D, sebelum nikah. Lebih baper nanti XD
C: Ya Allah B jahat ngiming-imingi aku
D: Hmm aku sabar aku rapopo T_T
B: Maafin ya C...

Satu kalimat buat si tukang baper: Kamu tega banget. Sebetulnya masih ada chat baper yang lebih lengkap dan panjang dan berulang tapi males ngetik. Lagian isinya juga sama. BAPER.

Yang single baper. Oke kamu boleh baper. Kamu berhak baper, itu manusiawi. Tapi kalo bapernya terus-terusan itu ganggu banget asli. Pikiran-pikiran negatifmu itu ganggu sesama single di sekitarmu. Mereka yang aslinya tenang akhirnya ketularan insecure, thanks to your laments. Ada lagi yang suka pasang status-status baper, quotes, dan kutipan-kutipan ayat Quran dan Hadits soal nikah di berbagai platform media sosial. Sebar kutipan-kutipan tadi sebenernya boleh karena bisa mengedukasi orang lain yang belum tau. Tapi kalo berkali-kali akhirnya misused dan itu sangat menyebalkan dan... menyedihkan. Kayak nunjukin kalo kamu pingin banget nikah (aku nyebutnya "kemrabi"), udah siap nikah, siap menyongsong masa depan yang lebih indah dengan pernikahan. Ditambah berita yang hits baru-baru ini, soal anak ustadz yang nikah muda pake banget. Semakin menjadilah semangat para pejuang baper ini buat nikah secepatnya, secepat kilat. Bayangan indahnya pernikahan kayaknya udah memenuhi pikiranmu siang dan malam. Ya sekarang terserah sih kalo kamu mau nikah muda, kita beda prinsip :)

Kamu boleh baper. Kamu berhak insecure, apalagi kalo kamu cewek. Itu manusiawi. Tapi kalo bapernya terus-terusan itu ganggu banget. Asli. Liat ke dirimu sendiri. Udah siap nikah belum? Nikah itu tanggung jawabnya besar lho. Jangan terbuai sama manis-manisnya aja tapi nggak tau gimana cara ngedapetin dan mertahaninnya. Manusia juga nggak bisa "auto-dewasa" dengan menikah lho.

But there's something strange.

Aku marah dan capek. Aku capek baca keluhan-keluhanmu. Kamu menuh-menuhin timeline dan hapeku dengan keluhan-keluhan yang sama. Kamu yang gampang banget ke-trigger soal pernikahan, kembali baper dan meracuni pikiran orang lain. Mungkin karena prinsipku "Jodoh datang di waktu yang tepat pada orang yang tepat. Jodoh bukan balapan" ya, aku jadi sewot. Tapi aku nggak ketularan baper dan meratapi nasib kejombloan ini.
"Ah mungkin karena aku memang masih suka sendiri."
"Ah mungkin karena aku quirkyalone dan introvert."
"Ah mungkin karena aku masih fokus kuliah sama nyari kerja aja. Nanti juga kepikiran buat nikah kok."
"Ah mungkin karena aku lagi suka banget sama Arashi." --> *suka banget kok terus-terusan XD*
dan sejumlah 'Ah mungkin' lainnya.

Aku nggak ngerti kenapa kamu baper. I don't feel a thing. What the hell was wrong with me? Am I that ignorant to "that" matter? Sampe akhirnya aku browsing tentang "Aromanticism" dan nemuin tes-nya (barangkali mau nyoba XD di sini sama di sini). And I found the missing link.

I show a tendency to be a demiromantic and demisexual. Demiromantik dan demiseksual masuk dalam daerah abu-abu spektrum aromantik dan aseksual. Seorang demiromantik demiseksual bisa nunjukkin indikasi aromantik aseksual, tapi mereka juga bisa menjalin hubungan sama orang lain, dengan syarat utama: harus ada ikatan emosional yang kuat sama orang itu. Cara orang demiromantik demiseksual untuk mendapatkan cinta nggak melulu dari pacaran atau nikah, bisa dari orangtua, bestfriends, saudara, teman kerja, dll. Jadi kalo misalnya kamu suka sama orang yang kebetulan -- atau apesnya -- demiromantik padahal kamu nggak deket, trus kamu nembak, aku jamin hasilnya NO. Sorry. Nggak tau kalo Mas Anang.

That's why I don't understand your insecurities.
Not because I don't care.
Because I can't.
I CAN'T understand your insecurities.
I CAN'T feel your insecurities.

Aku nggak ngerti kenapa kamu perlu baper waktu bahas soal nikah, undangan, akad nikah, atau tunangan.
Aku nggak ngerti kenapa jadi single terlihat seperti kutukan dan nikah adalah satu-satunya cara untuk membangunkanmu dari mimpi buruk.
Aku nggak habis pikir sama orang-orang yang gampang jatuh cinta dan gonta-ganti pacar dalam waktu singkat.
Aku nggak ngerti kenapa kamu hipersensitif soal jodoh.
Aku nggak ngerti kenapa kamu mau cepet-cepet nikah dengan resiko kamu nikah sama orang yang baru kamu kenal.

Aku gak bisa bayangin aku harus habisin sisa hidupku sama orang asing yang tiba-tiba datang dan nyampurin urusan sama prinsip-prinsipku. Kamu pikir kamu siapa?

Tapi sekarang aku ngerti kenapa aku susah banget suka sama orang.
Aku ngerti kenapa temenku bilang kalo aku nggak peka. Sebagai makhluk hidup, aku peka terhadap rangsang tapi aku nggak peka terhadap kode. Aku nggak bereaksi sama flirting-anmu, you have to find my switch first.
Sekarang aku ngerti kenapa aku bisa ngefans sama Arashi tanpa berpikir untuk pacaran atau nikah sama mereka.
Aku ngerti kenapa aku bisa bahagia tanpa pacar, cukup dikelilingi keluarga dan teman-teman terpercaya.
Aku ngerti kenapa kehilangan teman terasa lebih menyakitkan daripada pacar.
Aku ngerti kenapa aku bisa "membuang" masa lalu dan temenan lagi sama mantanku (He's one of my best partners in the world. See you at the top, my buddy!).

Karena aku perlu ikatan emosional yang kuat buat menjalin hubungan, dan aku dapetin itu dari orang-orang kepercayaanku. Aku merasa dicintai dan aku merasa cukup. Aku nggak ngerti apakah nanti bakal nikah sama salah satu dari teman-temanku, tapi yang pasti aku nggak mau menghabiskan sisa hidupku sama orang yang nggak kukenal baik. In my case, I need 1-2 years. Tapi bisa lebih cepet kalo punya kesamaan di beberapa aspek tertentu. Aku setuju soal "nikah dulu baru 'pacaran'" tapi aku nggak setuju sama "coba dulu, siapa tau cocok". Cari partner dunia akhirat kok coba-coba?

Persis sama kata-katanya Mas Sho di Yakai waktu ditanya soal Taichi-kun yang barusan nikah:



Kita se-visi misi, Mas :3

Dan jadi inget katanya Shimada Shinsuke di Himitsu no Arashi-chan, "Relationship starts when the condition is bad". Selama aku masih nyaman sama hidupku sekarang, kayaknya aroma-aroma relationship masih belum tercium tahun ini, tahun depan, atau 3-4 tahun mendatang. Cuma Allah yang tahu.
windyway94: (koharu)
Sudah 7 hari Hannan pergi jauh. Sudah 7 hari juga Indonesia kehilangan satu putra terbaiknya. Hannan meninggal di hari Rabu, sama seperti mendiang nenek saya dengan penyakit yang sama. Hannan meninggal tanggal 5 Agustus, sama seperti Yoyok, teman sekelasnya (thanks for reminding me that painful fact). Hannan meninggal 5 hari setelah Pakde saya meninggal karena diabetes. Tapi satu hal yang menyenangkan adalah saya sudah gak nangis lagi. Oke saya sedih tapi udah gak mewek tiap lihat fotonya atau kalo iseng baca chatnya di LINE. Malah sekarang fotonya (sama temen-temen sih) saya pajang jadi home screen buat reminder: Kanker bisa menyerang siapapun, kapanpun, dimanapun. Jaga tubuhmu selagi kamu mampu.


you see his dazzling grin? yeah me too.

Selama seminggu ini banyak kenangan (lebih banyak daripada yang saya kira) yang muncul soal Hannan selama 8 tahun berteman. Mulai dari Hannan yang hampir selalu duduk di depan, Hannan lagi benerin poni, Hannan yang suka bawa jaket tapi sering ketinggalan waktu moving, Hannan yang gundul waktu MOS SMA, Hannan yang jadi dubber ikan mas waktu pentas drama (Be patient, Xiang Li), Hannan yang pegang bass waktu ngeband, Hannan yang sering pulang hampir maghrib karena benerin komputer kelas bareng Izhar, Hannan yang berangkat jam 8 padahal masuk siang supaya bisa benerin komputer sampe nyala dan bisa dipake (dan kita dimarahin karena berisik XD), Hannan yang gak bisa item setelah main di pantai 3 hari karena udah item maksimal, Hannan yang kecium baunya dari jauh karena pake Axe Cokelat, Hannan yang dapet kado seperangkat alat tulis pink pas ultah, Hannan yang dua kali ketiduran waktu UN matpel Kimia, Hannan yang takut sama cicak bahkan sampe dibikinin kertas yang digunting bentuk cicak dan ditempel di papan (mungkin) biar dia gak takut lagi, Hannan yang fotonya diedit jadi cantik, Hannan yang dibikinin fans club karena saking gantengnya (saya anggota bayangan), banyak lah pokoknya. Waktu ngetik ini saya jadi senyum-senyum sendiri hehehe, gak nangis lagi. Yaaaa, inilah yang namanya takdir, kami yang masih hidup cuma bisa mendoakanmu supaya amalmu diterima dan dosamu diampuni Allah SWT.

So, Hannan ganteng, see you again! :D We love you so much.
windyway94: (sho)
Yesterday, 5st August, 2015, my old friend died at 21. He has lungs cancer. According to his father and his doctors, he has a rare type of cancer in his scapula. He got a bulge in his bone in fasting month last year (approx. June 2014). It was a tumor and got a surgical operation. But the bulge is growing faster, faster than he imagine. Tumor has metastasized in his left lung, make him hard to breathe, sit, eat bring his bag, go to college, and hangout with his friends. His family has done their best to cure him; radiotherapy, chemotherapy, even monoclonal antibody treatment in China. In May he went home (he goes to college in Bandung and his second hometown is in Malang) and when I met him for the first time since he got his therapy, I wanna cry. He was so thin, pale, and all of his hair was gone. It broke my heart so bad. I knew him since junior high, he is incredibly smart and humble. He was sick but he's still smiling, laughing out loud with us, and doing karaoke together. In May he said that he felt better and wanted to try herbal medication. As a Biology student, I told him all the plants that has anticancer factor that I know. I wanna see him get better and better. He said that he can eat more food and have some more chat with his family and his friends. He kept fighting his cancer with his utmost effort.

But that's what we call fate. In the last two weeks, his condition got worsen. His family brought him to ICU and finally he died at 02.30 A.M. And today, me with my two friends went to his funeral in Trenggalek, his first hometown. We met his parents and I can't hold my tears anymore. His mom was in an awful state, just lied in her bed and let a silent cry for her beloved son. We've lost him but I keep thinking that finally he won't feel any pain that keep him awake for 2,5 month. He's sound asleep now. He will never get that painful medication again. He has won his fight. Goodbye Hannan Prasasta Widyadana, we hope that we can see you again someday.

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June 2017

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